Although Advent and Christmas are meant to be filled with love and joy, not everyone experiences this period in such a positive way. For many, this time of the year can be rather stressful and even depressing for some, with people rushing, worrying, and feeling stressed as Christmas approaches.
The pressure to buy presents and choose a Christmas tree adds to the stress. Questions arise, such as whether to opt for a cheap or an expensive tree, one with a more pleasant smell or one with the best form? Artificial or real, or maybe one with roots that can be saved and planted later. Which family members shall we visit, when and for how long (last year we started at grandpa’s, should the other grandparents come first, or should we invite everyone to our place this year?). Not to mention deciding on the menu and the effort required for baking and cooking a perfect Christmas dinner fit for the feast of peace and love.
But does it have to be all perfect?
Having lived in the Netherlands for 20 years, I can confidently say no, it does not have to be this way. Let me share what Christmas is like the Dutch way, in the hope that some of you will get inspired and reconsider how to spend Christmas time this year. Let’s take a closer look!
Christmas presents
The pressure of shopping, expenses, and the expectations of finding the perfect present for every family member and friend can make Christmas an extremely stressful time. The Dutch are not in this game!
To start with, only half of Dutch families buy Christmas presents! So, the other half spends exactly 0 hours on this task and spends 0 euros on gifts.
In the Netherlands a few decades ago, presents were only exchanged for the Sinterklaas feast on 5 December. This was because Christmas was considered a feast related to faith, and according to Dutch Reformed Christian thinking, mixing material things with moments of spiritual inspiration was not encouraged. When my Dutch husband was a child, he recognized that it was Christmas time only from the decorated tree in the living room and by going to church twice that day. No presents, no festive dinners at all.
But then how about Dutch children? Don’t the poor things get any gifts? Yes, they do, but if you are a Dutch kid, the real excitement starts earlier, at the beginning of December, with Sinterklaas (sort of cousin of Santa Claus): on 5 December, the Dutch celebrate Sinterklaas, also known as ‘pakjesavond‘ (gifting evening). Many parents of younger children will leave a sack full of gifts near the front door and ask a neighbor to knock, making it appear as if Sinterklaas just dropped them off.
Between ages 6 to 9, children typically come to the realization that Sinterklaas is make-believe. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t get presents anymore; instead, the celebration changes into a sort of Secret Santa. ‘Pakjesavond’ usually involves drawing names, leading to more personalized gift-giving by making a ‘surprise’, (pronounced sur-preesuh) which is a special, creative, and often funny wrapping of the gift. This wrapping tells something about the recipient, as the below examples show.
Dad plays golf, mom loves coffee, son loves his Gameboy, and teenage daughter constantly busy with make up in front of the mirror. Source: pinterest
By the way, preparing a ’Surprise wrapping’ can be quite a lengthy process, but usually does not cost money, as one often tries to make it from waste or things that can be found at home.
The gift wrapped in this way also comes with a Sinterklaas poem, written by the giver as a ‘message from Sinterklaas’. In simple rhymes, they list the good and not so good qualities of the other, possibly also their desires and dreams. Many people seize this chance to give feedback subtly yet distinctly to the other. Since it is customary to compose poems in a funny way, everyone laughs together at the poems read aloud before unwrapping the gifts. Of course, web sites and mobile applications can now help casual poets write this kind of poetry. Even I (as a Hungarian) can write poetry in Dutch with such help!
By Christmas time, Sinterklaas has long returned to Spain (!) by his steamboat (!), to be replaced by the Kerstman (Christmas man), who more corresponds to Santa Claus from America and brings presents to (some of the) children. The Christmas present is typically quite small, as the bigger gifts have already been shared on December 5th.
Christmas Tree
Of course, most families put up a nicely decorated Christmas tree (kerstboom) early December, not long after Sinterklaas has left for Spain on 6 December. This timing has several advantages.
On the one hand, purchasing the tree is not done during the busy Christmas period but much earlier–thus the tasks are spread through time better. There is no rule on what day the tree should be decorated. It happens when the family feels like it and has the time. This also means that it can be a pleasant family program–always done together with the children. We usually make mulled wine on a Sunday afternoon in early December, play our favorite Christmas songs, and decorate the tree leisurely, enjoying the time spent together.
In addition, this way the Dutch can enjoy the tree for several weeks, and it not only brightens the week-long holiday, but also makes dark and cold December cozier from beginning to end.
Another interesting, practical, but at the same time very creative habit is related to taking down the Christmas tree. On certain days after Christmas everyone can place the trees out on the street. Children then take them to a collection point where some municipalities give them money or tokens like swimming pool tickets in return. Sometimes a Christmas tree burning event is held for the neighborhood children–with adult supervision, of course.
Christmas tree on the street taken away by children or the (why not by bike?) Source: mechelvanbergen.nl and nhnieuws.nl
Christmas dinner
While in the Netherlands, Sinterklaas is more about close family and especially children, Christmas often means having dinners with friends or family. Of course, grandparents can be invited or visited, too, but this is not a rule at all.
What do the Dutch cook for Christmas dinners?
There is no special celebration on December 24 (Christmas Eve); it is a working day with an ordinary weekday dinner. There is no traditional menu for Christmas days, but on December 25th and 26th, since the 70s, it has been customary to do ‘gourmetten’, where people cook their own small-sized dishes on a table grill. By the way, the Dutch usually use fully prepared ingredients for this, available at the supermarkets and butchers, that you can put on the table right from the refrigerator–in the packaging you bought it in. The ingredients can be anything from fish, crab, chicken, beef, pork, to all sorts of vegetables.
How long does it take to prepare for this? If we do the shopping at leisure in the supermarket, it can take 1-2 hours, but of course it can also be ordered online with home delivery. Other than that, there’s not much preparation as everyone does the ‘cooking’ themselves. This way of dining also solves the problem of family members having different favorite foods, as all ingredients can be bought in small and large portions.
Gourmette is being prepared!
Ingredients easily available at all supermarkets (Source: lidl.nl and ah.nl)
Christmas also comes with many other (mostly sweet) delicacies, such as ‘oliebollen’ (Christmas donuts) or ‘kerststol’ (Christmas bread or cake). These are all very tasty and can be purchased in the supermarkets or at the temporarily set up Christmas stalls on the streets.
Well, note that, in the whole world, the Dutch spend the least amount of time preparing food. All year round, not only at Christmas!
Yes, the Dutch are practical people.
How can you best decide for yourself and your family how to celebrate?
Start by listing your values and continue with defining your own and your family members’ love language–you can find an exercise for both in the ME MAP Young Adults book. These will reveal whether FOOD and DRINK are more important to us than REST, and whether we feel loved the most, for example, when we receive a gift or when someone spends time with us with undivided attention.
We wish you a blessed Advent and Christmas time–with more conscious decisions about what to devote your time and energy to, based on the importance of things to you and your loved ones!